OMG, I'm your #1 fan!!!

So I'm not a groupie... at ALL.  I am, however, a fanatic supporter of Hip Hop... and a woman.  These two identities do not always mesh well.  This is because Hip Hop is a male-dominated culture with a history of vivid misogyny.  That's just the ugly truth.  All women who love Hip Hop have to navigate this complicated minefield of hypocrisy.

One age-old challenge for female Hip Hop heads is not being mistaken for a groupie.  Let's face it: most of the ladies at a Hip Hop show are there to support their rapper boyfriend... or to snag a rapper boyfriend.  I'm not hating- just pointing out the facts.  This means that those of us who show up for the music often get the Lusty Eye from the other guys in the audience and rappers who invite us backstage.

See, this chick has set us back. This is actually not the aspiration of every woman at a Hip Hop show.  (P.S. After  Googling pics of "Amber Rose and Kanye", I feel like I need a bath.  P.P.S. I know they ain't together now- does it really matter?)

It also means that my genuine, geeky, zeal for Hip Hop can sometimes be misconstrued as groupie game or womanly wiles.  See, a dude might give an emcee a head-nod after a performance or say something like "yo, that was dope".  But me?  Well I'm occasionally so overcome with delight that I might invade the emcee's personal space for a moment or my voice will do weird things that leave him bewildered and feeling a little bit violated.

That said, here is a short list of severely awkward moments with semi-famous artists who probably thought I was a groupie:

F. Knuckles (the non-Questlove drummer from The Roots): Mistook my friend and me for groupies when we naively approached him after a show and asked if there would be an after-party.  He invited us to his private after-party.

Kev Brown: I'd just visited the Fat Beats store in NY for the first time, where I bought the Kev Brown CD and had a nice chat about Mr. Brown with the in-store DJ (yeah, they got that).  I went to a show the day I returned to VA, and Kev Brown was the opener for Little Brother.  Since I was still basking in the afterglow of NY, when I ran into Mr. Brown in the lobby after the show, I forced him to hug me.  Who molests a complete stranger who is the OPENING act for a semi-famous Hip Hop group?  *takes a bow*  This girl.

Antagonist Dragonspit: OK, this one is extra embarrassing cuz this is a local emcee who knows me.  We're cool, but he doesn't know this story:  The first time I officially met him... I geeked the f*&% out. Earlier that summer I'd officially declared one of his songs to be my personal anthem, so when I met the man himself... Well, you know those videos of Michael Jackson concerts where people are screaming and fainting and vowing to never wash their hands again after they touch MJ?  OK, I was a little more composed than that. We have mutual friends and I think we'd briefly met once before, so he spoke to me first.  I think I literally squealed like I'd won bingo or something.  Also, I'm pretty sure I was grinning like a moron and I definitely touched his arm too much.  It was so inappropriate.  It was shameful.  I'm such a nerd.

Honorable Mention: Median:  Ironically, this is the only semi-famous emcee that I actually DID want to flirt with.  I was already a huge fan of the music, and then when I met him, he was stunningly beautiful.  He had locs at the time, brown skin, very cute.  I had a fantastic ice-breaker to start the conversation: we'd both spent a month in Ghana around the same time.  My friend had arranged to bring him to town for a show, so we picked him up from his hotel.  I had ample time to talk to him, and you know what I said?  Not a damn thing. No stupid grinning, no sexy eyes, no brushing against him, nothing, nothing, nothing.  Y'know why?  Cuz I got no game whatsoever, no womanly wiles.  Apparently, I'm only convincing as a groupie when I have no intention of being one.

So the bad news is that Median and I never got married.  The good news is that none of the other semi-famous emcees have taken out a restraining order against me. (WIN!)  More stories to come, kids.  Stay tuned.  :)